MURPHY, STAY AWAY!

Just when I was about to download the most important document I needed for my report on Friday--which of course I'm cramming for--the computer crashes, in this computer shop with bad keyboards and good 80s music (my only consolation).

Drat. My eyes are about to fall off their sockets from scanning through dozens of webpages and PDF files, and now this. By the way, I hate PDF files. Other people love it coz it looks so cool and easy to read, but no. Not if you have a slow computer that opens the file one page per minute. I like the good old HTML stuff where I can just block, copy and paste. Low-tech me can't even copy the stupid pdf files for crying out loud! Or maybe it's me who's stupid haha.

Whatever. I'm tired. Tired tired tired. I've spent this entire semester walking (exag!) throughout the entire metropolis (Pque-Pateros-QC-Makati-Paranaque in one afternoon, beat that), commuting, braving yucky, muddy streets in the rain and paying 50 pesos for internet. Because as luck would have it, I don't know how to drive, don't have money, my rubber shoes have (probably) holes in them already that I end up with wet socks and wet feet all the time, and my internet connection at home is busted for reasons that even my superior-IQ brother doesn't or is too lazy to find out.

Gaaaaaaark. Why is this not a good sem? For some reason, I just want it to END. Not that I don't like studying already, I do, and I like what I'm learning at this moment. It's just that, well, it seems that the past few months have been a lot of...work, and not the usual fun I used to experience. Weird, but compared to what I'm doing now, I actually miss spending an entire week at a classmate's house without an ounce of sleep just to finish a project, like I used to do last year. Weird. This sem just feels, er, sabog.

Am I losing passion? Goodness, I hope not. I love this life, this particular kind of life. I like the direction that I'm taking. I know where I want to go. Right?

For chrissakes I made a life plan, complete with a timeline (it was an class assignment!), long-term and short-term goals and, oddly enough, no contingency plan or alternatives (a big no-no for planners). I guess I just felt very confident about where I wanted to go. My professor will probably shove it in my face if he learns I'm not following it.

Okay he probably won't. But still.

And it's not that I'm unhappy or uninspired. I couldn't be happier or more inspired, in fact, and yet...goodness gracious WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?

Maybe it's because I'm resisting. Maybe I should just let it all go, let it all slide. Time, ater all, is a "problem that solves itself." But it might solve itself after I get my grades, and that's not good. Haaaaay.

It shall all come to pass. It shall all come to pass.

Go on Lara, keep telling yourself that.

Well, naturally.

The Goddess of Roses and Love. You are a hopeless
romantic. Always optimistic and loving, you
have many friends and you are exceptionally
trustworthy. You are an innocent beauty.

Which gorgeous goddess are you?
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HAY NAKU

Sitting here at Redfox, I am struck by a sudden realization: that I might not be living a meaningful existence. At least not as I thought it to be. Something tells me I should stop looking at friendster profiles. I overdo it sometimes. Makes me question myself. Especially when I see that a lot of my friends are teachers.

Hay. Yun lang.